by John Wade, PhD
Everyone suffers from depression from time to time. It's a natural defense mechanism that allows the mind to take a rest, causing us to withdraw from for a day or two. But for some, the withdrawal is deeper, lasts longer, and can interfere with our lives. Symptoms of depression range from feeling down to feeling suicidal. Many psychological theories have been developed to explain depression; however, I will focus on Aaron Beck’s Cognitive Theory.
Beck theorizes that cognitive distortions are the primary cause of depression. This means that it is not merely events or circumstances that cause people to feel depressed, but the meanings they attach to them.
We all know individuals who have dealt with repeated setbacks in their lives, yet remain basically happy, and we know people who have had a "good life' who are miserable. Depressed individuals distort their perceptions and interpret events from a negative perspective. Instead of viewing the world through rose colored glasses, they tend to perceive it through lenses of negativity. Beck terms this negative perspective the "cognitive triad,' because it consists of (1) negative expectations of the environment, (2) a negative view of oneself, and (3) negative expectations of the future. Beck also believes that depressed people consider themselves lacking in some element or attribute that they consider essential for their happiness.
I think it is easy for us who stutter to let our stuttering negatively color our world, and all of us have probably done so at times. The "cognitive triad" of stuttering we create would look something like this:
- We experience people are uncomfortable with us and don't respect us because we stutter
- We're critical of our stuttering and how we handle it.
- And we worry that stuttering will keep us from reaching our goals.
I'm sure that most of us have entertained the thought that, 'if only I were fluent, I would be happy. Everyone distorts reality through their perceptions. For example, ten eyewitnesses to an auto accident will give ten slightly different accounts. A key difference between individuals is that those who are happy have learned to view events and circumstances from a perspective that enhances how they feel about themselves. They downplay failures and allow themselves to bask in their accomplishments, while research shows that individuals who are depressed tend to ignore their successes and fixate upon their failures.
As Beck asserts, we can exert some control over our thoughts, and thereby exert some control over how we feel, by making a conscious decision to change our self-talk. The strategy is not to attempt to eliminate unwanted thoughts, i.e., to simply say, 'I will not let my stuttering upset me' This is like telling yourself not to think about the white bear in the room. It's to crowd out negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones. Let's see how this applies to the "cognitive triad of stuttering."
Negative expectations of the environment (expecting others to be uncomfortable and not respect us because we stutter)
Unless you have the personality of Howard Stern, most people will respond positively (or more likely neutrally) to your stuttering, even if some may be initially uncomfortable. So don't deny the negative experiences, but allow yourself to move on from the negative reactions. Don't fall into the trap of assuming that if the listener reacts negatively, it's your fault. Most importantly, if the person reacts positively, don't tell yourself that it just happened. Take credit for positive reactions from listeners. Identify what you did right and give yourself a mental pat on the back. A suggestion from Dr. Dorvan Brietenfeldt, developer of the Successful Stuttering Management Program, is to advertise your stuttering to your listener by acknowledging it in one way or another. This will demystify the experience for the listener and almost guarantee an accepting, positive response.
Negative view of oneself (being overly self-critical)
Parents who are overly critical of their children are typically well-intentioned. They believe that by pointing out all their children's mistakes, they will keep them from making the same mistakes in the future. But children who feel overly criticized often feel demoralized and lack the motivation to try at anything for fear of failure. We can even demoralize ourselves in the same way by how we relate to our speech.
By focusing on our negative experiences instead of on our successes, we reinforce the negative self-perception of failure. Effective managers, on the other hand, are taught to catch their employees doing something right and praise them for it. Do the same for yourself and your speech. Acknowledge yourself for your small successes.
Negative expectations of the future
A common denominator among depressed people is the feeling of helplessness. This feeling of not being able to produce the desired results often extends to worry and pessimism about the future. Again, it is helpful to focus on your current successes, even if it feels like they're outnumbered by non-successful experiences.
Focusing on success fosters a feeling of mastery. One of the greatest benefits I have received through my involvement in the NSA is that I know that I can be and do what I want to, even though I stutter. Of course, there are limits. I probably will never be an announcer at a race track. When the horses hit the home stretch, I'd still be announcing what they were doing in the opening turn. However, I am an effective counselor, even though I have a noticeable stutter. This is a goal that seemed beyond my reach When I first joined the NSA.
Although modifying your thoughts and disrupting negative thinking with positive thoughts are important components of alleviating depression, other factors are also important. For example, allow yourself time each day to do something you enjoy. Get enough sleep and exercise. Remember, exercise releases stress, and you are less likely to get depressed if you feel well physically.
Most importantly, cultivate a strong support system. Depression and loneliness are strongly correlated. One of the best antidotes for feeling down is to be understood and supported. It is typical to want to withdraw and isolate yourself when you feel depressed. Although short periods alone can be helpful, prolonged periods of withdrawal only intensify the depression.
Especially when you're feeling down about your speech, the support of fellow NSA members is invaluable. The motto of the NSA-"You are not alone" speaks to the importance of feeling understood and the power of support. (However, if you feel that you are more than mildly depressed, do not hesitate to see a counselor.)
John Wade, PhD works at the University of Kansas Counseling Center. |
