‘I’m Not Shy, I’m Stuttering’: Mislabeling & What We Can Do About It

“He’s just shy.” “She never speaks up in class.”

Many children and teens who stutter hear these exhausting comments almost daily. Not necessarily because they are true, but because others just don’t understand what’s really happening. What adults often perceive as shyness or social withdrawal may actually be a child experiencing speaking anxiety or avoiding situations where they may stutter. 

This mislabeling can lead to missed support opportunities for communication skills, delaying evaluation or diagnosis of stuttering, and causing the child to feel insecure, self-conscious, or hesitant to participate in social and/or academic activities.

“I think people think I’m shy, but I would say I’m more friendly.” — Cora Porzel, 7-year-old who stutters

Understanding That Stuttering ≠ Shyness

Children who stutter often become highly aware of how others react to their speech. They may anticipate negative responses (like interruptions, teasing, impatience) and begin to speak less to avoid those hurtful situations. This is a form of self-preservation, not shyness. 

While some kids who stutter are naturally introverted, many are not. In fact, research shows that people who stutter are as socially inclined and intelligent as their peers. When we conflate stuttering with shyness, we risk sending the message that something is inherently wrong with being quiet or different.

“People usually call me shy, but I’m only quiet because of my stutter. I don’t feel bad that they think that, but I wish that they understood that it’s difficult for me to speak. Shy and quiet don’t fit who I am at all, but that’s how my stutter has somewhat forced me to portray myself as, so that is what I am. What helps me feel the most confident when I’m talking is when I know the person I’m speaking with won’t see me any differently because of my stutter.” — Christian Gómez, 15-year-old who stutters

Labels in Identity Development

Labels stick because children are really good at internalizing. When a child is consistently described as “quiet” or “nervous,” they may start to identify with those traits, even if they don’t reflect how they truly feel inside. Over time, this can shape how they view themselves, how they engage in friendships, their willingness to participate in class or group settings, and/or their choices around leadership, performance, or communication. 

That’s why it’s so important for the adults in their lives—parents, teachers, and speech-language pathologists (SLPs)—to offer accurate language, celebrate all wins and effort, and affirm their identity beyond just fluency.

“I DO get nervous when I talk, but it isn’t because I’m afraid of talking, it’s because I’m nervous that people will interrupt me or won’t take time to listen to what I have to say so sometimes it’s easier to just not talk. If I knew that people were really going to listen, I would talk, talk, talk!” — Cora Porzel (7 years old)

How Parents Can Help

1. Avoid language that assigns personality to behavior. Instead of “He’s shy,” try:

• “He’s thoughtful.”

• “He’s still warming up.”

• “He likes to observe before joining in.”

2. Don’t make stuttering the elephant in the room. Normalize it by talking about it openly. When parents model comfort and confidence, kids are more likely to do the same.

3. Give praise for expression and bravery instead of fluency. This builds communication confidence. 

4. Offer opportunities for low-pressure speaking. Try one-on-one hangouts, drama clubs, or speech-friendly social events. These spaces can build resilience and comfort over time.

“I definitely think people see my kiddos as shy instead of understanding how their stutters impact their interactions and communication. I see the difference in how they act at home compared to how they act in public—Cora loves to put on shows, plan presentations, and, given the opportunity, speak in front of crowds. We find that our kids come out of their shells more when they are around people they know won’t interrupt them and when they don’t feel rushed—when they can stutter freely. At home, we try to talk about how their words are important and never a burden.” — Molly Porzel, parent of a child who stutters

How Teachers Can Support

1. A student who rarely raises their hand or frequently asks to use the bathroom during oral presentations may be managing speaking-related anxiety. Look for patterns.

2. Provide alternative participation options. When appropriate, allow students to present one-on-one, submit a video, or choose written contributions. 

3. Avoid assumptions about personality. Don’t label students as disengaged or unmotivated because they don’t speak often. Ask open-ended questions about their comfort level and needs.

4. Partner with the SLP and parents. Create a team approach to communication support. A brief check-in with the student about their goals can go a long way in helping them feel seen and respected.

What SLPs Can Do

1. Focus on self-advocacy skills. Help students learn how to talk about their stutter, correct misconceptions, and make requests for accommodations when needed.

2. Address feelings around labels. Explore how the child feels about being called “shy” or “quiet.” Work together to reframe these labels and affirm their true personality.

3. Include peers when appropriate. Consider classroom education or peer awareness programs that help normalize stuttering and reduce stigma.

4. Use stutter-affirming approaches. Build therapy goals around confidence, comfort, and communication.

Seeing Kids for Who They Are

The way we describe and respond to children who stutter shapes how they see themselves. When we move beyond surface-level labels and take time to understand what’s really happening, we open the door to deeper connection, more effective support, and a stronger sense of identity.

Not every quiet child is shy. Sometimes, they’re just waiting for someone to really listen.

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