How to Support a Child Who Stutters Without Blaming Yourself

If you are a parent of a child who stutters, there may be a few heavy questions you have asked yourself, like: 

“Did I cause this? Could I have done something to prevent this? What did I do wrong?”

It’s so easy to play the blame game. These are some of the most common and emotionally difficult questions we hear from parents of children who stutter. They often come from a place of concern and a deep desire to protect them from anything that may cause them emotional harm.

“When we noticed my son, Evan (three years old at the time), stuttering, I immediately went into fix-it mode. I researched, read books, and sought out speech therapists who could help. Once things had settled in, I was sad, fearful, and overwhelmed with the idea that this could be a lifelong condition. I remember thinking, ‘How will people treat him? Can he get a job? Will he get married?’” — Kelly Kaczmarski, a parent of a 17-year-old boy who stutters

We want to begin with a clear and compassionate answer: you did not cause your child’s stutter and you are not to blame. Parenting does not cause stuttering. In fact, your role as a supportive and informed parent can make all the difference in how your child experiences communication and builds confidence!

This blog post will explore stuttering, explain why parent guilt is common but unnecessary, and offer strategies for helping your child thrive. Most importantly, it will help you shift from helplessness and blame to “How can I best support my child now?”

What Causes Stuttering?

Stuttering is neurodevelopmental in nature. It is not caused by parenting or anything a child or parent has done. Research shows that stuttering is linked to differences in how the brain processes speech and language.

Here is what we currently know:

• Stuttering tends to run in families.

• Brain imaging has shown differences in the timing and coordination of speech-related brain regions in people who stutter.

• Stuttering typically emerges between the ages of 2 and 6, a period of rapid language development.

Although a stutter may begin during a time of stress or transition, that does not mean stress caused it. Just because two things happen around the same time does not mean one caused the other! If your child began stuttering after a move, during a family change, or at a time when they were especially emotional, this may have made the stutter more noticeable (which is very normal), but it did not cause it. You did not cause it.

Why Guilt Happens

Even with this understanding, many parents still experience some sort of guilt. That feeling is valid. Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs in the world. When something feels hard for your child, asking yourself what you could have done differently is natural.

Guilt is a fickle thing that often shows up in small moments: replaying conversations and what you said, wondering if you corrected too much, or feeling unsure if you responded the right way. However, it’s important to realize that it can quickly become a burden that prevents you from fully supporting your child in the present.

“I think mom guilt is real. Many of us feel guilty for many things. So, yes, I did feel guilty for a bit of time. The more I learned about stuttering and surrounded myself with stuttering supporters, the more I was able to slowly let go of guilt and focus on giving Evan the tools he needed. When you meet others who stutter, or parents of kids who stutter, you realize you are in this together and it just turns into advocacy and support. Guilt doesn’t make it go away, but advocating and educating others can make the world a bit kinder for those who stutter.” — Kelly Kaczmarski

Letting go of guilt ≠ letting go of responsibility. It’s freeing yourself from blame so you can focus on caring for your child in the way they need it.

The Importance of a Parent’s Response

You cannot control whether and how your child stutters, but you can help shape their feelings about it. Your attitude toward stuttering plays a key role in how your child sees themselves and their voice. Children who stutter thrive in environments that are supportive (where they feel listened to and not rushed), affirming (where stuttering is acknowledged and talked about without shame), and calm (where communication is not pressured and active listening is practiced).

You can support your child by giving them space to finish their thoughts and showing them that their words are valuable.

Here are a few simple things you can say:

• “I value what you have to say.”

• “You can do anything you set your mind to.” 

• “You can take all the time you need to say what you want to say.”

• “Your voice matters.”

These messages, with consistency and warmth, help build resilience and self-acceptance in your child who stutters.

“I think what we do to help Evan feel confident is just let him speak. No matter how long it takes and no matter where we are. The hardest places are when we are with people he doesn’t know, like ordering in a restaurant or interacting with new people.  They get restless or uncomfortable.  I continue to smile and make eye contact with Evan so that he knows we will wait, so the world can wait. Hopefully, the new person sees that I am not worried and will be patient.  We live in a fast-paced world.  I hope that slowing down and patiently waiting shows him we have confidence in him, too. As the NSA teaches the world, what he has to say is worth waiting for!” — Kelly Kaczmarski

What You Can Do

If you are unsure how to support your child, you definitely are not alone! Many parents feel the same. The good news is that your presence and intention matter more than you might think.

Here are a few supportive steps you can take:

• Learn more about stuttering from trusted resources, like the National Stuttering Association (NSA).

• Connect with other parents who are navigating the same questions.

• Partner with a speech-language pathologist (SLP) who is knowledgeable and affirming of stuttering. Every SLP practices differently and it’s extremely important to find one who specializes in stuttering and affirms the stuttering experience.

• Focus on building your child’s communication confidence rather than fluency.

When you let go of guilt, you create more space for meaningful conversations, emotional safety, and a stronger bond with your child. Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a parent who believes in them and celebrates their voice.

“We tell our son to let his voice take up space and he deserves respect when speaking like others. It is okay to stutter and verbal diversity is everywhere! Going to his first NSA conference in July was amazing for him; he was with other kids who stutter and he can’t wait to see them all again in Scottsdale!” — Julie Peles, a parent of a 10-year-old boy who stutters

“Finding the NSA, my world was rocked (in a good way!). I realized not only would he do the things I feared he couldn’t, but he could also be a fierce advocate for himself and others with the NSA behind him.” — Kelly Kaczmarski

You do not need to have all the answers right now. Those will come with time. You only need to create space for your child to be heard and to feel safe speaking.

If You Made Mistakes, You Are Still a Good Parent

Many parents look back and remember moments when they interrupted, corrected, or unknowingly pressured their child to speak more fluently. This is common. It is also okay. We unfortunately live in a very fast-paced, fluent-focused world where harmful misconceptions about stuttering still run rampant in TV shows, movies, and media. 

You are only human, and you are learning—we all are. What matters now is how you choose to move forward with more knowledge, compassion, and confidence in your ability to support your child without shame.

“My daughter began stuttering at age three after a speech delay, so at first, we weren’t worried; she was simply finding her voice. By age five, though, it was clear her stutter was here to stay. With no family history and little knowledge of stuttering, my husband and I were determined to fix it. Years of unsuccessful speech therapy and then connecting with the NSA shifted our perspective. As her mom, I've struggled over the years with how hard I pushed speech therapy when she was younger. I just wanted what I thought was best for her. After connecting with the NSA and meeting other parents who really understood, I worked hard to forgive myself for what I didn't know. Parents need support, too!” — Denise Deitchman, a parent of a 17-year-old girl who stutters

You Are Already the Parent They Need

The fact that you are here, reading this blog, means you care deeply. That care is the foundation of everything that follows. 

You did not cause your child’s stutter. But you can absolutely be part of their strength.

“At almost 18, my daughter has become her own strongest advocate. Each year, she emails her teachers before school begins with information about stuttering and how they can support her. While she has accommodations for oral presentations, she rarely uses them anymore. She speaks up for herself in class and in any situation where it’s needed. Though tough days still happen, I always remind her how far she’s come.” — Denise Deitchman

The NSA is here for you. We offer resources, events, support groups, and a growing network of families just like yours. Visit WeStutter.org/parents to learn more.